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  • Writer's pictureVeronica Pulumbarit

To the child I never met

Updated: Aug 28, 2020

One of the popular writing exercises that renowned screenwriter Dr. Ricky Lee gives is writing a letter that you could never send. This may be to someone whom you lost touch with or someone who has passed away.

When sir Ricky assigned us to do this during his screenwriting masterclasses at the University of the Philippines Film Institute in UP Diliman, Quezon City last November, I wrote a letter to my half-Filipino, half-Vietnamese best friend who passed away due to a car accident when we were only 10 years old.

Today, August 26, when sir Ricky assigned us to do this writing exercise during our online screenwriting workshop, I chose to write to the child whom we lost through miscarriage 25 years ago.

Thank you sir Ricky for this cathartic and healing experience. This article is inspired by that writing exercise.

To the child I never met:

Many people think that your father Riz and I are childless but they do not know that we have you.

You died in my womb in 1995, a year after your father and I married. We never had any child after you.

I don’t remember if I cried when I learned I had a miscarriage. Things happened so fast. About two weeks after I missed my monthly period, we went to the doctor to know if I was pregnant.

There was even a famous actress in the clinic, she was the one ahead of me, and the doctor was congratulating her for being pregnant.

When it was my turn, the doctor also congratulated me and your father, who was with me. But two days later, we lost you.

The doctor said it was too early to know the gender so we didn’t know what to name you. Patrick? Patricia? Isabella? Isaac?

Last month, the actress was in the news with her son. He’s about 25 years old. If you had made it, you would be the same age as him.

Sometimes I wonder what you look like, how you have been doing, what you are seeing.

Are you with God in Heaven? What does Heaven look like? Do you see your Lolo Larry, my Dad who passed away 13 years ago?

Sometimes I also wonder what would have happened if you had been born. Would you have been a good child? Would I have been a good mother?

Would you be a shy person like myself or outgoing and friendly like your father?

Would you be into sports like your father who was a varsity table tennis player and loves tennis, swimming, and other sports? Or would you be like me, who likes to study and read books?

But I’m not very sad that we did not get to meet you. A priest said children who died before being born are pure as they did not have the chance to commit any sin.

You may have missed out on good things but you missed out on some bad things too such as this COVID-19 pandemic, which is causing so much pain and hardship.

Clearly, we will have many things to talk about when we meet.

When that happens, I will be so happy to have the chance to meet and hug you. Until then! Let’s keep praying for one another, my child. I love you.

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